Get Back to your Resolution, Shame-free

Get Back to your Resolution, Shame-free

0Shares0 0 0 0 TweetPocketHow’s that New Year’s resolution going? If you’re struggling to maintain it, you’re not alone. What’s more, if your struggle to maintain has become a source of resolution shame, it’s time to re-examine the whole thing and do some necessary shame-purging in order to move forward. This all came to me during a conversation about resolutions with two women who work at my neighborhood grocery store: Bagging clerk: My resolution is to drink a glass of milk every night. My doctor told me I need more calcium. Stacee: So, are you drinking your milk? Her face could have been the inspiration for that emoticon with a horizontal line for a mouth which conveys disinterest, dissatisfaction, or shame. Well, it’s easy to guess what she was conveying, because no, she hadn’t drunk her nightly milk. New Year’s resolution shame was at it again. How Resolution Shame Shows Up You probably recognize resolution shame from your own lives. Every year at the end of December, we make pledges to change things that bother us about ourselves, or that we otherwise wish to improve. Like a Phoenix arisen from the ashes of what we considered our inactive, underachieving,...

Storing Strength for Dark Days Ahead

Storing Strength for Dark Days Ahead

0Shares0 0 0 0 TweetPocketIn my final blog for the psychological shedding series, I’ll discuss how to go about storing all the strength you identified for your life in Week 4: Harvesting Positive Life Choices. This storing activity will provide you a resource during periods when you most doubt yourself and your worth, as well as all those other mind tricks we humans play on ourselves. It’s been quite a journey over this series! I showed you how to identify areas of your life that deserve to be shed in Part 1: A Time for Psychological Shedding. In Part 2, Letting Go of Rotten Things, we covered how to go about the task of dropping those life areas that don’t belong. Part 3 (the one with the cool fire picture for the cover) was about clearing things so that they don’t show up and re-contaminate your life. See Clearing Away of Old, Dead Parts of Self. Part 4 showed you how to begin recognizing and claiming the positive parts of your life. My hope is that these exercises have felt…fruitful! Of course, it’s easy to feel positive in the middle of cool, fun, artsy self-help work. To this end, I...

Harvesting Positive Life Choices

Harvesting Positive Life Choices

0Shares0 0 0 0 TweetPocketThis week’s emphasis is about celebrating those healthy fruits of life and harvesting their potential for us. It’s about time, right? We spend so much time, so much energy focusing on the things that are sick and need fixing. Worse yet, we just exist in the stuff, feeling mired and unable to create change for ourselves. How important it is to celebrate ourselves, our lives, all that we are, all that we do. In Part 4 of 5 for my psychological shedding series, I’ll provide you with tools for harvesting all of the positive gains you’ve made in your life. This will help you see and feel your life force with greater clarity and purpose, allowing you to move away from the tendency to re-create the old, negative, rotten situations that you discarded over Parts 1-3: A Time for Psychological Shedding,  Letting Go of Rotten Things, and Clearing Away of Old, Dead Parts of Self. For this exercise, you’ll once again need: A sheet of paper. A pen or other writing implement. Maybe something colorful? It’s your tree. Work those branches in this harvesting, y’all! The Setup Bring your tree to mind. Remember in Week 1 (link)...

Clearing Away of Old, Dead Parts of Self

Clearing Away of Old, Dead Parts of Self

0Shares0 0 0 0 TweetPocketClearing Away of Old, Dead Parts of Self is the third in my 5-part autumn blog series on psychological shedding. The first two parts are linked here: Part 1: A Time for Psychological Shedding Part 2: Letting Go of Rotten Things It isn’t enough to simply drop those things that no longer belong in our lives. As it turns out, allowing rotten fruit to decompose around a tree’s roots is actually harmful to the tree (I learned this from Steve Bender’s “Around the Garden” column in the September 2018 print edition of Southern Living). The rotted fruits can harbor diseases and insects, as it turns out. This is an apt comparison to the role of toxic people and destructive beliefs that we’re dropping! Just as fruit farmers must clear the rotted fruit from their trees’ roots, we too shall undertake a clearing of the soul. The parallel between our own experience and that of a tree makes a lot of sense; for if we dropped a relationship but still kept it close by, the person would continue to exert a force on us. Now, it’s important to get clear on intention for this one: If...

Letting Go of Rotten Things

Letting Go of Rotten Things

0Shares0 0 0 0 TweetPocketIn last week’s blog, “A Time for Psychological Shedding,” I introduced an exercise in which readers were invited to draw a tree and identify the fruits of life decisions you’ve made. The fruits that symbolize strength and positivity were placed in the top of the tree’s canopy, while the fruits that felt rotten were placed at the bottom. You were asked to consider which of your most rotten fruits gets dropped. In “Letting Go of Rotten Things,” I will show you how to begin dropping the people, old beliefs, old ways of being that keep you from living fully. Let’s get started! You’ve identified a rotten fruit, or two, or…twelve that you’d like to drop. Now’s the time to decide which gets dropped first. (Don’t worry. You can come back to this exercise for each rotten thing you want to drop, whenever you wish. Self-help is self-paced, after all). Which rotten fruit in your life gets most of your attention? Following the tree metaphor, which is weighing most heavily on your limbs, causing you the most ache? I’ll give a few examples of the types of things that typically weigh people down.   Letting go...